oh, let me tell you about the sad man

I was a fucking wreck this morning (and kind of still am) because -- twenty wins for the Marlins in May, with a game to go, and the record was nineteen, set in August of 1997 during their first improbable run to winning the World Series. ( Ew, feelings. Baseball/uncle-related. )

I was going to do work tonight (my focus was shot during my usual working hours, so I only got about 50 words written and I'm supposed to be doing 500 a day to get a draft done this term), but instead I've spent my time thinking about tidying my room, listening to Jennifer Knapp's "fuck you, I'm coming out" album, and finishing my hockeyrarepairs fic. If anyone wants to read over that before I post it (it's just over 1k, maybe 1.5 if I add back the stuff I'm thinking I might, and almost entirely Booth and Weiss crying over how horrible it is that Booth has to play in Vancouver), that would be awesome. :D?

I had something else to talk about, but I'm pretty sure it was me being crazy about the popular "definition" of alcoholism (Patrick Kane: probably not an actualfax alcoholic, but might be able to use some of what you get out of rehab, as long as it's his choice to go, but most people could use that, so whatever), terrible hockey bloggers (oh lord, your sexism/stupidity is showing, Rat Trick writers), and/or fishing (don't get me started), so it's probably best I go to sleep instead.

Shit I am losing my mind over: Booth's Joe Louis debut! He's never played there and his favorite memory took place there and it's Booth, so I'm basically always losing my mind. And also, the one and only Stephen Weiss set the franchise's record for games played tonight and this has a bunch of great quotes from Dineen and Matthias. Matthias wanting to be Weiss is SO GREAT. I can't even. And there is this article from when Weiss made his debut. Also, like six Rampage guys (including Keith Seabrook) got Twitter in the past couple of days and they are all so amazing and creepers about each other.

My meeting with my supervisor today was amazing. We hammered out the chapters for my dissertation and I'm going to do the huge evidence collection in the next couple of weeks and then I can get on the fun business of my lit review and my close reading section. He laughed at me when I told him it was way easier to procrastinate when I was a lit major. Look, I got to write twenty pages off of three sources back then. I need three sources a PARAGRAPH these days. Wretched.

I am bootstrapping myself the fuck out of my anxiety. It's been ... weird. My anxiety is very much just "NO, I CAN'T" in a kind of white noise way and no one seems to understand that it's not actually motivated by specific fears. It's just this overwhelming feeling of imperfection. And so I tell myself I'm a worthless human being and then I go and get on with doing shit. It is not the healthiest thing, but neither is listening to a playlist that consists of nothing but Surgery, Just Fishin', Friend of the Devil, Blackbird, and Amazing Grace, and I'm doing that ... too much. (Surgery reminds me of my uncle like nothing else, Just Fishin' is a horrible song but kills me every time, Friend of the Devil was my dad's song, and then Blackbird and Amazing Grace are what we played at the funerals. So. Yeah.)

Homework now. ♥ (And then possibly more writing on a thing where Ells and Carey hang out and make fun of each other? Idk. It's a thing that's happening in my googledocs right now.)

INTERNET. If ever you are thinking, "Hmm. I miss that person! I wonder what s/he is up to! I should send an e-mail that way," DO IT. Send that e-mail! I woke up yesterday morning to the best e-mail ever, which was the best for the sole reason that it was from someone I haven't properly spoken to in years. It was amazing and she even attached a picture of her cat! Which was great! (On the other hand, don't do this if it's someone who broke up with you a year ago and the e-mail is actually because you want to get back together, not that you say that at the time. That is a douche move and my ex-girlfriend who did that basically destroyed every last shred of goodwill I had for her when she pulled that stunt.)

It snowed the other day. I know pretty much all of you live in places where that is a thing that is a regular occurrence, but this is the first time I have lived somewhere where it snows, so sitting in my bed and watching it snow outside my window was a little surreal. Okay, a lot surreal.

My nephew has been playing flag football! My sister claimed 13 as his number, because she loves me and thought he was going to be on the Dolphins. :D He ended up on the Giants, which is obviously an inferior team, but he also sacked the quarterback to prevent a touchdown in their second-most-recent game! I am very proud of my boy.

In closing, this is what Leighton Baines had to say about the return of &PIENAAR; to Everton: I have been texting him since the day he left to see if he was coming back. (There is more here about their innate understanding and chemistry and how Baines is REVELING in Pienaar. &team; &homoerotic sports journalism;)

Oh, Dreamwidth, hello. You are really quite clean and beautiful and best of all, an excuse for a nice, neat, empty journal. I do get twitchy when my journal is all full up with three years of madness and whatnot. I'm excited about the cross-posting most of all, because it means everything can go over to LJ and be stored there in one place even when I get twitchy and need a new clean space.

I was meant to be heading back to England tomorrow, but I will not return until Thursday (departing Wednesday night) and I won't be back in my room until the new year, it looks like. I'm okay with that, though, as it means I get to dash from the plane to Sarah's and then have a Claire.

Earlier this year, my supervisor asked me why I study history and I told him it was because I think that without knowing where we come from, we can't know where we are or where we're going ... so to start this journal off, here's that year-in-review meme that goes around.

( oh look here's a cut tag! )

That's done, then! Now I should probably try and get some sleep. Urgh.